However, at the age of 26, I found myself dead broke and empty on the inside. I had just gone from renting a corner on the floor of a friend’s basement to renting a tiny, nursery-sized room in a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment I shared with a family of seven. The only piece of furniture I owned was an air mattress that sat perfectly on the floor between the window and the door of my room.
Money was tight—so tight that my meals usually consisted of three of the best gourmet options money can buy: ramen noodles, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or tuna and crackers. On the days when I didn’t have any of those, I would take naps or just go to bed hungry.
Living like that was a devastating blow to my soul. I would’ve never guessed that living like that would’ve ever been a part of my story. I was so filled with shame, guilt, judgment of myself, and embarrassment that I never told anyone in my life what was going on. As a matter of fact, I made myself a promise that I would never tell anyone what I was going through.
I mean, why would I? I was this bright, ambitious, hardworking go-getter with a great work ethic, and here I am, having to skip meals and live hand to mouth a few years shy of turning 30.
(Ladies, you all know how we get when approaching the big 3-0, right?)
Well, one evening, while I was sitting on my lopsided air mattress on the floor - hungry, I got overwhelmed with emotions as the heartbreak I was experiencing started feeling like I was being repeatedly stabbed in the chest. I began hysterically crying and questioning everything.
“God, why me? Why is this my life? Did I do something to hurt someone, and was this my karma? God, why is this happening? I can’t take this anymore. I…I can’t keep living like this.”
…so I called up and met with an Army recruiter. Within weeks, I completed the ASVAB and medical requirements and sat at MEPS to choose my job and sign my contract.
Okay, Military Occupational Specialty selected; now it’s time to sign the contract
Whoosh, eight years, I can deal with that. Yeah, I can definitely do that, right? I thought to myself. As I was psyching myself up, my thoughts were rudely interrupted;- “Miss Pierre, you would need to be placed in the Delayed Entry Program until space opens up in September for you at FT. Jackson.”
My heart felt like it skipped twelve beats. “What? That’s six months from now,” I shrieked. "Isn’t there something sooner? I really don’t need much time to prepare; I can leave in two weeks if needed.”
“That’s not possible; everything is all booked up. The earliest you can leave for Basic Training is September 11th.”
I. Was. Devastated! Here I was, ready to leave this hell hole and start a new life with a new job - one that actually has benefits, and I couldn’t start for another six months?
Unboxing
When I graduated from training in February 2012, I financed my first car at 0% interest. The very next year, I purchased my first home and graduated from college with my first degree.
I never wanted to go back to that broke and broken life I came from, and I didn’t want anyone connected to me to experience that either. So, I made it my business to share my financial knowledge with my battle buddies, ensuring they were just as passionate about getting their finances in order.
I’ll never forget the day one of my battle buddies came running to me: “Pierre, Pierre, look at my credit score! My credit score has never been this high before, and I don’t think anyone in my family has had a credit score this high, either. Girl, thank you!”
It was exhilarating to see someone I helped express so much excitement over an accomplishment. I remember wanting to feel like that more often. Though I just thought of it as helping, I was coaching my battle buddies toward a healthier financial life, and it was addicting!
The Beginning
of the End
However, my intoxication was short-lived! On April 20, 2016, while running a nine-part obstacle course, I fell off the seventh obstacle. As my body slammed into the hard dirt, I felt the worst pain of my life! Before I could gather my thoughts, my body started violently convulsing as my eyes rolled to the back of my head.
I remember being so scared as I lay on my back - the rain beating on my face. “Is this the end of my career? Oh no, what if I’m paralyzed? Oh my God, I’m only 32 and don’t have children yet! What if I can’t carry my own children? Oh, my mother will be so hurt when she finds out. This is why she didn’t want me to join the Army in the first place!”
Words I never
After being examined at the clinic on post, I was rushed via ambulance to Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu in excruciating pain that radiated throughout my body. I knew for sure something was broken, but I didn’t know what. A battery of tests, a CAT scan, X-rays, and an MRI later, the doctor broke the news - “Sergeant Pierre, your spine is broken in three places, and you suffered a traumatic brain injury.” Pumped full of morphine, my body went numb.
“Now, two things can happen from here: you will either make a full recovery and continue with your career like nothing ever happened, or your spine may never fully heal, and you’d be in pain every day for the rest of your life. Only time will tell.”
As he continued talking, all I could hear were muffled sounds. It was as if those words literally added insult to my injury by sucker punching the sh*t out of me as I gasped for air!
For the next year and a half, things got progressively worse. I was no longer the badass Soldier I once was. The daily pain and struggle triggered a wave of depression and anxiety like I have never experienced. And after falling asleep at the wheel due to my antidepressants, I made the hardest decision of my life! I consented to a medical retirement. And just like that, the best part of my life was over. I was angry, bitter, and hurt!
Turning over
a new leaf
As I struggled to transition from Sargent First Class Pierre back to Janeil, I kept hearing this voice inside my heart screaming, “I want to live, I want to live!” It was like a wake-up call. I had been so angry and bitter about my Army career ending that I hadn’t realized I had a lot to be grateful for and that there was still a lot of life left to live.
So, I started the transformational healing process so I could show up, show out, and truly enjoy my life. It wasn’t at all an easy journey, but each year, I dedicate a portion of my income to personal growth and development.